I am so sorry to everyone who noticed my absence.

...I don't know how you did, since I am pretty much absent anyway, but let's not go there.

This year NaNo was completely different for me. Why? because I worked with one of the Municipal Liasons and she asked me to *help* and I am too damned midwestern to say no.

So I ended up going to at least three or four write-ins a week, helping with the preparation (putting together the notebooks ML gave out, the survival kits, and the sister helped me put together the info booklet this year). I helped with some of the tech stuff as well, because ML friend is pants at technology.

It was exhausting but also really fun.

So that is, largely, where my November went. Spent too much money on food and stuff at the coffee/tea shops where we had our write-ins, dealing with drama which comes with every group (ugh), and writing. Let's not forget the writing.

I cranked out 50,616 words of what amounts to backstory and world building. I had no plot, no actual story, so I just sort of wanked around for 50K. That was actually fine, too, because I needed to do it; I hadn't really thought that concept out before, and now I have some interesting if a bit crack-y backstory to work with if and when I decide to go back to it.

But I also decided that I am going to try to write something to sell, probably to one of the online romance retailers (only the legit ones: I know what to look out for). So we'll see how that goes...

Nearly, anyway.

For my personal yearly calendar, I've got the time between my birthday (the 11th) and Samhain (the 31st) to prepare myself for the new year. Yes, this is completely arbitrary but I find it fun and useful for me.

My goals for the new year (not Resolutions because everyone knows those are never really kept) and in no particular order...

1. Let myself learn how to dance
2. Make some actual decisions regarding my future
3. Get a workout schedule established and stick with it
4. Continue trying to better my eating habits
5. WRITE SOMETHING, IDIOT!
6. Make a proposal for the 2010 Sirens, on any of the six or seven ideas I have...
7. Be more proactive in something
8. Save more money
9. Try to be something more of a grownup, whatever that means...

Let's stick with nine. I couldn't think of any more and nine is a nice number.

Well, technically the hotel we're staying at in lieu of staying at the spa/hotel Sirens is at.

I am having so much fun! And they're doing it again next year!

Going to have to start saving so we can stay at the same hotel as the conference next year, which would be way more convenient (and swanky, if it's the same place).

Yay!

So, I've been talking about moving to Madison.

Of the local people whose opinions I care about, I've gotten one "don't go!", two "go if it makes you happy" and one "take me with you!"

The "don't go" came from my friend who is pregnant, which makes sense because I would be leaving only a few months after her kid is due. She has family, but they are mostly flaky/crazy. And she'd have mom and dad no doubt, but...I still feel bad that I'm even contemplating leaving one of my best friends at a difficult time.

And I know she'd understand if I had to go, but still. I could do the online thing.

Erin is the one saying, "take me with you!" Actually, it's more along the lines of, "I need a chance to start over and if I have a built-in roommate all the better!" She'd go with me to check it out, even, so that's an immediate travel companion as well. This idea has its good sides and its down sides. Good in that I'd have a friend, someone who knows me, and someone to live with without having to worry about scouting out non-psycho potential roommates.

On the down side...we've both debated if it counts as really starting over if you bring someone who has known you since junior high with you...

My parents are the ones saying "go if it makes you happy", which I appreciate. They'd worry, certainly, moving to a whole new place with no support network other than that offered by the school and family five hours away. But they're very supportive, despite the likelihood of racking up more debt I won't be able to pay for.

So largely positive response to my idea.

I blame you, Ryan, for egging me on. Not that I hadn't thought about it, but now I'm actively researching it.

But how exactly does one go about moving to a whole new place where one has no family?

Moving to the UP was easy; I had my aunt, uncle and cousins up there, built-in support network.

But I'm looking at the information for UW-Madison, and I've gotta say I like their programs, and I like the sound of Madison.

Applications for their Fall 2010 session begin this month. I need three letters of recommendation, transcripts, a personal statement, my resume and the application forms. I actually don't think the letters of recommendation are going to be that hard (it hasn't been that long since I was at NMU and a couple of my profs should remember me, I think..., and one of the reference librarians I'm pretty sure would write me a letter), the resume is pathetic, aside from my library job.

And there's two options, really. University of Wisconsin is starting a distance education for its library/information science program, so I could apply for that. Which would mean I don't have to give up the job I love. But on the other hand, moving to another place might be what I need to kick my life into gear.

Going back to school in a year might be doable. But if I can move and start all over, it might be even better...

Anyone on my flist have stories about this? Just going and starting over?

They've FINALLY greenlighted Daria on DVD!!

Dude! I've only been waiting eight or nine years for this! I first signed the petition to put Daria on DVD in 2000/20001.

I have to start saving now, so I can actually afford to buy it.

/

And now, the WTF moment of the day: I'm going to be an honorary aunt. One of my best friends (thankfully one who is more or less financially stable and married) is pregnant.

Excuse me while I try to process this. They're in shock too, so I don't feel so bad for not quite wrapping my brain around this...

I am ... in a rut. Of course, when am I not?

No signs of anyone hiring until the holiday season, so, fine, I'll bide my time and apply again at the end of October. I even asked at Wal-Mart and found they were in a hiring freeze. Sign of the times...

Anyway, my luck I'll get a second job just as NaNo starts. Except maybe not because my friend at the library is organizing a whole bunch of NaNo stuff, because she's the regional liaison-person, and I might be getting some extra hours from helping her out. I'm only a little nervous because she seems to want to stick me with the middle-school aged kids. So we'll see how that goes...

I'm reminded of this because I just signed on as an educator in the young writer's program, so we can get an additional kit.

My friend is very...engaged. She used to be a teacher, so she's much better with kids. She's got all kinds of ideas for making notebooks and handing out prizes/toys/motivational stuff. I listen to her and think, "Why can't I come up with stuff like that?"

I also got the latest GRE prep-book from the library. I just want to look at it, see what I'm in for if and when I decide to take the GRE. I test really well, especially standardized tests, so I'm not actively worried, but forewarned is forearmed and all that...

So, I've been reading the first published work Smart Bitches Who Love Trashy Books: Beyond Heaving Bosoms.

The first half or so, the part I've read already, is about how and why we as a society look down on romance novels. Which I found interesting because I'm not sure I ever really did. Coming as I do from a largely cerebral family, that surprises me a bit, but not really considering my mother and her sisters grew up reading Georgette Heyer novels (what the book calls Old Skool Romances), and the first real romance novel I ever read was nicked from my mom's shelves.

Still, when I started reading the Harlequin Red Books, I experienced the same sort of vicarious shame that I do for loving lame movies or TV shows that people think I shouldn't like. I don't actually feel this shame, more I feel ashamed that I don't feel bad about my reading choices. Still, whenever I try to read an Old Skool Romance, I have to put it down. I don't like it. I'm firmly in the New Skool mindset.

Besides highly recommending the book (it's amusing even if you don't agree with them, which I don't all the time...), it's gotten me to thinking, and wondering why, aside from a vague embarrassment that I was reading something others deemed unworthy, I never felt like I was doing anything wrong by spending money (lots and lots of money over the years...) on romance novels.

And, aside from the my-mother-read-them factor, it was also that she never, that I can recall, sneered at them the way people *coughDinahcough* do.

And then I was flipping through the channels tonight, and I came across Romancing the Stone playing on AMC, and the lightbulb went off.

My favorite movie possibly ever was my favorite movie for a very good reason. It's a New Skool Romance Novel brought to the big screen. And it's all meta about it because the main character is a romance novelist, who also writes New Skool Romances under the guise of Old Skool Romance. I mean, in the beginning scene, which is the end of one of her books, we have a heroine saving herself from the villian and then in turn being saved by the man she loves; equality that is rarely seen in "legitimate" "literature".

The female lead goes through substantial character change, as does the male lead, although we know less of who he was before than we do the female lead.

Anyway, my point is, that Romancing the Stone is a fabulous movie, and my being able to say I loved that movie is one of the reasons I can proudly state that I love romance novels, even if I haven't read one in a while. And I always smile big at the customers who sheepishly put a pile of romance novels on the counter to check out.

I keep meaning to blog stuff, but honestly, there's not really much to say.

I guess I could bitch about the stupid patrons I get, but I could do that over at library_mofo just as easily...Not that I do it there, either.

Unfortunately, most of what I have to report is only interesting in the fandom front. I've totally fallen in love with Leverage, Criminal Minds, and I've been watching episodes of Daria that I've had on my computer for years and only barely glanced at...

Ooh, on the Sirens front, I reserved and paid for the hotel. And I made a deal with Erin that if she would make a Chicks With Swords T-shirt design I'd pay for part of her room fee too. Her credit card bills are way higher than mine (a couple years in France will apparently do that...) and it's not that big a deal to me. But I want that t-shirt design, and I'm going to put morskimusic.com across the bottom. One of my boss-friends has a screenprinting kit, so I have no issues with actually printing the design, but as I can't draw to save my life I need someone to do a design for me.

Also on the Sirens front, I'm finally reading one of the authors that isn't Tamora Pierce. Kristin Cashor's Graceling came into the library on CD audio book, and I got it first. It's extremely enjoyable, with a fairly unique premise. Full review may or may not follow, depending on my motivation. But I still need to read Sherwood Smith's Crown Duel which has been on my shelf for years, but since she is going to be at Sirens I figure I should at least try to read something. Seems a bit rude to go all fangirly over Tamora Pierce and be all, "Your books are on my to-read list! Seriously!"

*sigh* Time marches on. Going to be 25 in roughly two months. Woo. Go me.

I'm still alive. Picking up lots of hours at work (43 hours on this next paycheck! Whoo!)

Trying to have something resembling a social life. I'll let you know how that goes.

Oh, my cell phone works at my house now! I got a phone that piggy-backs off wireless signal to get cell reception, so if anyone wants to call me let me know and I can give you my numbers (or you can give me yours, since I think we've all changed phones since college...).

Okay, got to get ready for work now.

I did absolutely nothing useful all day. I should've mowed the lawn (but it rained). I should've done the dishes. I should've done my laundry, cleaned the bathroom, cleaned my room, done any number of useful things.

And yet...nothing.

Instead I alternately read an actual book (a rarity for me these days) and watched Criminal Minds. So addicted, you guys. Not even funny. Shemar Moore doesn't hurt either. Mmm, Shemar Moore.

Sorry, where was I?

Right. I'm thinking about filling out the FAFSA again. Debating the paralegal thing, the CSU records-management thing, or the online library school thing. For the last two I'm pretty sure I have to take the GRE, which I haven't done. Can I fill out the FAFSA just for curiosity purposes, or do I actually have to have someplace to send it? 'Cause I'd kinda like to know how much would be out of pocket and how much would be covered, but I don't want to commit to anything yet, because I am indecisive and I dither like mad.

Oh, and I don't work for unpleasant boss-lady anymore. Friday was my last three hours with her. I said something like, "I'm sorry it didn't work out." Her reply was something like, "Yeah, it really didn't. It was bad." (And of course, I'm just thinking, "Then why the hell did you keep me so long you useless bag of inertia?" But I am well rid of her and the job, except what the hell do I put on my resume now? Personal Assistant to a passive-aggressive woman with no personaily and fewer social skills?)

But I might have a line on a retail job, but it essentially means I'll be working right next to my sister (different stores but same owners and right next door). This...does not make me happy. In fact, the possibility makes me damn cranky, because those people love her (why is she only unpleasant to her family?) and so...yeah, no venting outlet at that work any more.

In weather related news, it's bloody fucking hot around here and I'm cranky about it. It's ridiculously humid, too, and we've been getting rain nearly every day. Muggy heat is not my happy climate. Maybe I should move to the Northwest Territories...

Oh, and I'm finishing up a course of anti-biotics, because the new doctor I went to see thinks my three weeks of sore throat was a combination of allergies and infected throat glands. So I'm taking a Zyrtek(sp?) knock-off a day and three anit-biotic pills a day. And I felt better after the first day, which is much improved over the last doctor's orders I got. Ear infection my ass.

Happy birthday, de_nial!

We've known each other for around, what, seven years now? And I still can't predict what you will or won't like. You're a constant surprise, hon!

I hope you have a great b-day!

Until Sirens, that is. Three and a half, give or take a few days, anyway.

I'm registered, Erin's registered, and I just really want to go and have a good time. I haven't been to Vail in a long-ass time, and never on my own. Oh! Indy's first road trip!

That's the other bit of news, too. I can't go to Hiawatha 'cause Erin backed out and I can't afford expenses by myself. But it's a hand-off, because I get to go to the Colorado Ren Fest that weekend, which is the music and dance weekend, and maybe I can pick up some more bellydance music. I'm totally addicted to it. Bellydance and Blackmore's Night is my kick for now. It was metal and country a while ago, don't ask me why...

Anyway, Sirens! It is going to be so much fun! They've put up the list of presentations, roundtables and workshops, and I'm excited for several of them. But they haven't posted the schedule yet, so I don't know if they're going to overlap each other or what.

( The ones below are the ones I'm excited to go to with the descriptions from the website. )

Whee! I'm really excited about this! My first conference!

Okay. So. I have no excuse. I've just been distracted like whoa.

I have a new car. His name is Indy, for a variety of reasons. I am about to start decorating him, because he's my car and I can. I'm also going to make the first payment this week, so that's going to be fun. Another monthly expense away from being able to move out.

Speaking of, I think I'm going to find another job and quit the job with unpleasant boss-lady. I'm not what she wants, but I think she's keeping me around out of laziness, and I'm not making enough money to justify the hassel. As my friend pointed out, working a job you hate for decent pay is one thing, but a sucky job and sucky pay is just a losing formula. So there you go. Now the trick is finding another job that will work around my library job because I am not giving that up.

( A quick meme, put your player on random and write down given number. (I think it was 15, but whatever.) No skipping embarrassing songs. )

....Can't say I have a predictable iTunes, now can you? The all-caps one drives me crazy but it is WAY too much trouble to fix it.

So had family come, had family leave, was sick while family was here which sucked.

I actually sucessfully cleaned yesterday. Got most of my clean clothes put away, and realized I have too many clothes that I don't wear, so I'm going to separate those out. There's a store opening soon that buys clothes for cash, so I'll put them in a bag and save them.

And now I'm going to open up Michael Jr., put on Pandora and get somewhere with One Bullet Away. I am under 10 items from the library, and I'm going to cut down on the books I get, because those are harder to get read than it is for me to listen to/rip CDs and watch movies.

Basically, I'm alive, getting through, but coasting as much as I ever have been.

I guess I needed that bitch fest because I feel a lot better now. Weird.

It could also be that my music works again. All it took was two re-boots and unplugging and re-plugging in the external. Whew!

I am putting together a Hermes Memorial playlist/post, hopefully to go up over at LunaTunes if they pick the car theme this week.

I am also hoping to actually write the fannish thing I said I would write and not wuss out at the last second 'cause that would suck.

So, the cars I'm looking at. It's down to an '07 Ford Focus (no Found on Road Dead jokes please) and an '05 Kia Sportage (I think). I like them both equally, and I can find nothing wrong with either of them to make me not want them. They both drive well and have nothing obviously wrong with them (no weird noises, no weird smells, no hitches in the giddy-up). And both are newly-cleaned, so they're kind of shiny inside and out. And they're both blue. I did not do this on purpose, I swear, but I can't speak for my subconscious.

The Focus has MP3 CD capability, but both have CD players and working cigarette lighters so I can use my MP3 radio-adapter again. All good.

So now it'll come down to what I can afford. Well, really I can't afford either, but not having a car isn't an option if I want to continue to make money. If I lived in town I could probably forgo a car, even though it wouldn't be fun. There's buses and my own two feet. But I don't live in town, so se la vie.

Wow, okay. So. Much bitching ahead. You are warned.

Mechanical problems: Michael is not recognizing the drive that has all my music on it. Not. Happy. I don't know if it's just Michael, or the connection, but if I lost all my music I will scream. Probably into a pillow, but I will still scream. Thankfully I still have my punching bag so no one will get hurt. I may bloody my knuckles though...

The car situation. Godsdammit I am going to miss Hermes. That car got me to college, to university and back many times. I've had some good times in that car. Damn transmission. If it wasn't for that fucking hole in the transmission I could've kept my car, taken the insurance money from the accident and done something fun with it. (Or paid down my loans/credit card. Whatever....) Now I have to go and buy a new car when all I want is to keep the one I've got. He's stilla good car, damn it!

So the estimate for the body damage is between 1800-2100 (two different estimates, I don't know if insurance companies average it out or what...). The cost of fixing the transmission would be 2000-2500 dollars. Both of those values are more than my car is monetarily worth. So Hermes is twice totaled. Poor baby.

It's probably a bad thing that I just want to whine, "I want my car!" rather than deal with all this crap.

And that's where I'm stuck. I know I need another car. And I don't hate the cars I've driven or the two cars I've pretty much decided on (I don't car which, it'll come down to what I can pay for and either way Dad has to co-sign for me). But deep down, I just want my car.

Change sucks.

There is a hole in my transmission. Mechanic's best guess is that I hit a rock. You'd think that hitting a rock hard enough to put a hole in my tansmission would've been noticed. And unfortunately, I can't blame it on the drifter. If only.

I'd show you a picture, but apparently my phone sucks even more than I thought it did, and it didn't send the pictures to My Album like they were supposed to. Fail.

So, now it's a wait-and-see thing. According to my dad, who is being obnoxious about this whole thing, I may end up driving my mom's car. I hate driving my mom's car.

I may also end up getting a new car. If I do that, I'm leaning towards one of those certified pre-owned, and there's some nicely priced Kia's available in town.

Fuck it. I'm going to bed. I'll deal with it later.

So, yesterday. The scene is me at the circulation desk. One of the reference librarians comes up to me and asks, "Do you drive a blue Mercury?"

"Yeah," I say, immediately wary. "Why?"

"Someone hit your car."

I immediately facedesk.

So I go to my work locker and I grab my wallet which has all the needed information, grab my cellphone and keys and go out to where I'd parked my car.

So, the library shares the land between four side streets. Diagonal parking on all sides. I usually park over near one of the street lights because some shifts I work until after dark and I like it when my car is in the light.

But it is way before sunset yesterday, so I go out and see my car is now vertical instead of diagonal. A driver on that street had drifted, hit the car next to me, ripped off a third of its bumper (which was stuck between the passenger door and the panel), crashed into my car, moved the back end of Hermes three feet to the left and crashed me into the reference librarian's van.

I can only stare for a long minute.

So, an hour later the accident is all written up, insurance information is exchanged, I've moved my car out with help from the cop and thankfully no further damage to my car or the ref librarian's. The cop says that the only insurance info we need is the guy who hit all of us, which is good news, and that we just need to call his place and get our information.

Mostly, my car has body damage. None of the lights broke, but the paint is scraped and the bumper is dented in three different places. And I might need a new license plate, since mine is now all scratched up and twisted...

So, that was fun.

So...yeah. Yesterday was fun. Not.

Actually, I was all set for yesterday to be fun: I got called in for a double shift at the library, whoo! money! And between those double shifts I had a meeting about the project I and two others are going to be in charge of. And all that was great; I was cheerful, even energetic, which as we all know is weird as hell for me.

And then an hour or so into the first shift, I start to get this headache. Okay, I thought. I'm dehydrated. So I drank two glasses of water on my break and kept making runs to the water fountain when I wasn't working like crazy. When it didn't go away by the end of that shift, I thought, I've been having a lot of caffeine lately, maybe it's a lack-of-caffeine headache. So in the hour between shifts I walked down to Starschmuck's and got a coffee and a parfait. All through the meeting my head was pounding like crazy.

Okay, I thought. My hair is tied up pretty tight and I sometimes get headaches from that. So during my second-shift break I took it down and sat with my head back and my eyes closed. Absolutely no improvement.

So an hour before closing I call my mom and ask her to come pick me up at closing. The thought of driving home against the dark and bright headlights with a pounding headache did not appeal at all.

I got through the shift, hopefully didn't slack too much.

Mom picks me up with the puppy in tow and takes me home. I get home and have a piece of leftover Papa John pizza and immediately feel better. So now I'm wondering if it was just that I wanted to be home, or if it was some sort of lack-of-carb headache? But that doesn't make sense because I had a mocha with whipped cream at Starschmuck's and that has carbs like whoa. *shrug* Stupid brain.

Might also have been that I got up an hour and a half earlier than normal because yesterday, Unpleasant boss-lady decided to call my house before 6:30 in the morning. "Did I wake you up?" she asked. Of course you woke me up, bitch! "Yeah, a little," I reply, because I'm still half asleep and trying to be nice. You also woke up my parents and my sister, so thanks for that from my whole damn household. But anyway, she's calling to tell me that she can't afford to pay me so I won't be called in for the rest of this week. Fine and dandy, I think.

And speaking of Unpleasant boss-lady, I had a dream last night where I quit the job and she started crying. I'm like, WTF brain? I've never heard the woman laugh much less cry. And over me quitting? I don't think so.

And then she calls me this morning at eight-ish, which is a more reasonable time. I was mostly awake, just putting off getting out of bed. She says I can now cash the check she gave me last week, and she might want me in tomorrow, depending on how her checking account looks.

I've pretty much had it with this playing-by-ear shit. I like having a mostly-set schedule at the library. It makes me happy because I know what to expect and when.

Oy. Okay. I need to go get breakfast.

Frustration is annoying.